The hidden scripts sabotaging our success

Last night I had the joyous opportunity to connect with some University friends online. We shared our hopes and fears, struggles and successes and we rekindled the beautiful relationship we had when we lived together at uni.

As the conversation came to a close I noticed how safe I felt in their presence. There was something about the length of time that they have known me, the things we have been through and the fact we have lived together that created this deep sense of safety. I also appreciated this is something I hadn't felt for a long time.

I started to ask myself what was really at play here and why do I not normally feel this safe? As I started to unpack my beliefs, many from my younger years, I came to realise how my belief system was shaping my present moment experience, despite all evidence to the contrary.

To give you some context. I am one of four daughters which means I grew up in a household of five women and one male. At the time our queen and Prime Minister were both female. My teachers at school were female. From age 11 onwards I went to an all girls school. I also grew up in an era where men were considered the powerful ones, girls were considered subservient. In short, boys were strangers to me, and men weren't to be trusted. Put all these things together plus the current media coverage of male behavior and you can see why on some level without me even realising, I felt in the presence of a man, my safety was compromised.

I can assure you my safety at home is absolutely not compromised in any way! Yet here I am with a five or six year old version within myself feeling cautious about being in a man's presence whilst doing the most vulnerable thing a person can do - which is sleep.

Mind Detox

So of course I did what I would always do in these situations, which is Mind Detox myself. This time it wasn't so much to find the trigger experience that caused me to form the belief as I'd already worked that one out, but instead to reprogram my nervous system to be more comfortable and feel safe with male presence.

Because this is what we can do with Mind Detox. We can extend our knowledge base to include things that weren't perhaps apparent or highlighted at the time when we were forming our opinions on life.

Our habitual thoughts and beliefs can be rewritten

I started by re-minding myself of all the things my dad did that made me feel safe. He was excellent at creating an atmosphere of practical and emotional safety even though I wasn't encouraged to see it at the time. I then thought about the time I spent with my cousins, both male and both a wonderful source of connection and play when young.

I then took myself to the future and asked if there was a time in the future I could feel completely safe around males. The answer was yes, so I asked myself what does my future self know that enabled me to feel safe around male company? The answer was that they are vulnerable and fragile, just like we are. I know this to be true as I have witnessed it many times yet still this bumps up against my childhood conditioning.

Finally I asked myself the question what did I need to not know in order for all this to be a problem? This is when it got really interesting because I came to realise I perceived there was a hidden benefit to me having a low opinion of males. It was like by having a lower opinion of males I became superior. I realise how toxic a mindset this is to have, and the person most affected by this toxicity is myself.

In trying to balance out historic male female power imbalances the pendulum in me had swung too far. I have instead given myself the homework to acknowledge both my masculine and feminine self and find more harmony within myself (essential for health). I can already feel the benefits of being more integrated and harmonious. The great news is, once I have mastered on the inside this will be apparent on the outside.

I share all this as an example of how our childhood experiences and belief system can have a negative effect on our experience of safety in life even when it isn't justified. The person most affected by my perceptions of life was me. The person that needed to work on themselves, was also me.

All this also reminds me to ask the question what messages are we giving today's youngsters that will affect them later in life? What are we unconsciously sharing about race, gender, work ethics, the environment and what it means to be successful? Are we even paying attention?

I am extremely grateful I have the Mind Detox tools to challenge my thinking and reprogram myself with a more balanced perspective.

This share also highlights that the greatest risks we face in life are not from the external world but from the internal filters that change our perception of the world around us. Should we choose, we have the capacity to change those internal filters increasing our pure perception of life and reducing our stress levels.

Even if I had experienced difficulties when I was younger, if they are no longer happening now, I could still rewrite my perception of safety so that my present moment was one of neutrality. That is the power of Mind Detox.

I think it's a great tool. Let me know if this is something you would like me to share with you?